With all the "warnings" and "advisories" surrounding this show, you must have heard or already watched this highly publicized and talked about series. Without going into too much detail, surrounding the plot, I'd like to point out some of the very important topics that are shown and how in my opinion they are done justice. 13 Reasons Why is the newest Netflix original series, based on a novel by Jay Asher. It displays teenage bullying, sexual assault and suicide in very real visuals, that don't shy away from the uncomfortable nature of these topics.
What should have been an opportunity for conversation, was met with backlash related to the supposed "glorification" of teenage suicide and the critique of the public school system's ability to deal with these issues. Instead of using this great series to talk about the very real issues surrounding high school life, it was simply discredited due to it's strong scenes and the taboo of discussing these uncomfortable topics. Whether it's hard to talk openly about them or not, these are things that must be discussed, either at school or at-home. Adolescents need to know that they are not alone, and that the most horrible day or year of their life, does not define the rest of it. A simple "I'm here, you matter, let's talk" goes a long way.
13 Reasons Why takes place in the aftermath of Hannah's suicide- as everyone comes to find out her secrets and reality of her personal life, it was easy to relate and understand not only to her situation, but all of the other characters. High school is a time of self discovery, there is a tremendous amount of personal growth and character development that happens during this time. It's not hard to imagine that for some, it wasn't pleasant and the scenarios recreated in the show are not farfetched. For many, myself included, these are things that have been witnessed, experienced or participated in.
Gossip is what rules the halls, and we've all been there and done that. The "hot or not" list, the name calling, the isolation and the belittling is all too real in any high school. When your whole life is school and friends, just as it is for a teenager, what seems trivial to someone outside of high school is detrimental in your teens. Lacking a strong support system, not having anyone to talk to or not feeling comfortable enough opening up to trusted adults or close friends, is a reality many people live with. Asking for help can be difficult. It shouldn't be and it doesn't have to be, but for those struggling it's not easy. Sometimes they've been let down so many times, that the trust has been lost and when you are hopeless, it's hard to get that "faith in humanity" back.
One of the things discussed is how the little things matter and that one person can be the difference between life and death. It sounds scary and some may argue that an individual's agency is stripped away, but as social beings, these interactions matter. It's easy to get wrapped up in the self, but you can always tell when someone is not quite right. Some people are better equipped interpersonally than others, but whether you easily relate with people or not, it doesn't take much to ask a person "is everything ok?" because sometimes that's all they need to open up or to know that someone cares. If you don't know a person very well, but you know that they are isolated and maybe they don't have any friends, just be kind. We know what's right and wrong, and standing around, being a bystander makes you just as accountable as the bully. Take better care of others and be an ally.
As told by a teenage girl, the topic of sexual assault was one that 13 Reasons Why got right. From groping to rape, these uncomfortable scenes didn't shy away from the cruel objectification of young women. Hannah was objectified and fantasized by the boys in her school, making her feel frightened and isolated from other girls. She's cat-called, a reality that every woman has to live with. She's groped, something that unfortunately occurs all too often. She's raped, a cruel fate that one in three will experience in their lifetime. The probability of rape in Canada is one in three, but that varies within cultural groups and rises in many developing countries. Women are more likely to be raped, while men are more likely to rape. Instead of controlling what women do or don't, how can the other 50% of the population change to decrease these statistics?
"You shouldn't have put yourself in that situation" is not a valid excuse for the perpetrators not understanding consent, it's a crime and the person who experienced rape should not have to experience more shame from "you should have known better". Consent is not simply grazed, but highlighted. Rape culture is shown as a reality of adolescence, and we clearly see how easy it is for people to cross the line and not be held accountable for their actions. The many scenes give an opportunity to understand what's missing from the conversation of consent. It's not just up to young women to take care for themselves, but to men to call out their "bro" for crossing the line and not stand by as a human being is degraded. If these scenes made you uncomfortable and you wanted to look away, then good, but don't simply ignore it. Those are the moments where we need to think about the bigger problem, to not shy away from those who need our help and to make a change within ourselves.
"She's weak" "she just blamed others for her problems" "she just wanted attention"- Hannah is dead. The suicide scene was probably one of the hardest and most painful to watch, and rightfully so. It was not glorious or pretty, it was terrifying, heartbreaking and necessary. The monologues and conversations that followed were understanding and unapologetic, my favourite being between Clay and Sky - "are you ok?" "no, is that alright?" "yes". The story tragically begins and ends with Hannah taking her life, but the tone from the beginning to the end are completely different. It was important to see everything through her eyes to understand that everyone deals with things differently, that everyone's experiences mean and effect an individual differently, and that suicide should never be the answer.
If you were left confused, angry, or conflicted- I truly hope you watched the informational episode following the series. It broke down the many topics of the show and had the cast, producers and mental health professionals explaining and discussing them in depth. If you didn't watch this "bonus" episode, take some time to watch it because it's important to understand the true message of this show. It's not an angsty, teen drama but a visual representation of real life at it's most ugliest. The story does not deviate from reality and I'm sure there were many times when you related and understood one or some of the characters.
I'm excited to see the second season, for the story to develop, as the characters take responsibility and cope with loss. The parents will finally get some closure and come to understand another side of their daughter. I'm sure it will be painful and hard to watch, but life can be like that sometimes and that's okay.
xo,
Natalie
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